A Mom’s Guilt

Its not a myth, nor just a feeling induced by societal expectations,

it is very much real. And that is what I have gathered not just from my experience but from lot of people around me.

I just resumed office after one whole pleasurable year post my delivery. Separation anxiety kicked in weeks before my joining date. Now after joining, it is much as a pain and a torment for me, as for my child. It has only been a week and everyday before leaving and after coming home I question my decision to not take a break from my career for my kid.

I am always overwhelmed with guilt, sadness, doubt and fatigue. I know a lot of new working mothers will resonate with these feelings and thoughts.

"Is it worth it...." is probably a constant in your head and will be there forever. Whether daycare is right or a nanny? Whether she is settling properly? Whether she is sleeping properly or eating properly? Whether she is happy or not? Whether I am spending enough time with her?....This endless list keeps going on and on in your head, making you more stressed out. I keep trying to talk to other moms expecting something that they would say which might hint me towards the answer to all my worries hence putting everything to an end. But it’s just something to which there is no answer.

And it is not just for working moms, it is true even for stay at home moms. The worries and concerns might be different but those will definitely be there. 

Whether what we are doing is good enough for our kids? And none of us knows the answer to it. Then why put yourself through this self doubt and pressure all the time. I guess this comes with being a mom, whether going out for work or staying at home. 

The important thing that I have learnt in this whole journey is that take one day at a time. Once the day is over be happy about it and just gear up for the next day. Give your best to everything but do not be hard on yourself if something does not come through. Try till the time you feel you are not constantly stressed to the extent that the stress is getting passed on to the child. After all a happy mom means a happy child.