Breastfeeding journey of a formula feeding mom

‌Do you remember the moment you held you baby in your hand for the first time or the very first time you got a glimpse? I am sure everyone would, such a joyous moment! I still remember the moment when doctor showed me her face in the OT, it was unbelievable. I was overwhelmed with feelings indescribable for me. What followed was a bit of chaos as they were suturing and winding things up. Soon we were both taken to a recovery room, after about half an hour a nurse came to help me with my first feed. She checked my nipples for shape and then pressed them between her fingers for some milk or as it is called colostrum at this stage. But nothing happened, she tried again, only harder this time. I screamed with pain but there was nothing. I was told that at times it takes time. After an hour she came again and the whole process of checking the nipples for milk was repeated and left me in pain but no milk to feed. I was later taken to my hospital room, my gynaecologist came for her evening round and checked me for milk again. Only to leave us all in disappointment. I had read a lot about breastmilk and feeding. I knew how important it was for the baby. I was getting more and more anxious as my baby was getting hungrier by the minute. Her soft sobs had begun to turn into loud howls. The doctor told me that the more suckling she will do, the chances of your body producing milk increases. So I was instructed that, the minute she starts crying you put her to work. Also, we were not allowed to feed her anything else. As this would satiate her hunger and she will not suckle. Night was more difficult, as I was on bed recovering from C-Sec. My little one kept crying for milk, but my body apparently was on some sort of strike. It would have been easier if I could feed her my tears. I was crying my eyes out. My mother was somehow trying to calm the baby. Three of us did not sleep that night. Next morning when the doctor came for her rounds, the first thing that we checked was what to do as there is still no milk. But doctor insisted to continue putting the baby to breast and told us that it takes time in some cases and the babies have the ability to survive this long without feeding. Also asked me to be positive and not stress myself as hormones play a major role in producing milk. The entire day i tried putting the baby to breasts but nothing was happening. Nurses would come and press my nipples to check for milk but no news. The little one would cry herself to sleep and then again wake up crying hungry. My stitches were hurting, but I kept sitting on the chair trying to feed the baby.As night fell, we start getting more worried as this would mean more than 24hrs without anything to feed to her. The thought of the trauma she must be going through on arrival in this world still shudders me with immense sadness. After the evening round the doctor insisted to wait for couple more hours and after that they decided to put me on lactation supplements. Those few hours were difficult but we managed. We had no idea about how the lactation supplements work. In our heads, we were all thinking that, once I start taking those, immediately my body will start producing milk. But it does not work this way, not for all. In the evening, I was put on the highest dose of the supplements we kept waiting but nothing happened, many hours passed waiting. Meanwhile the baby was howling at the top of her voice. So we requested the attending doctor to give her something as she has not been able to sleep properly since two days. Looking at my plight and the babies plight, he agreed to give her saline solution(its nothing but glucose solution). It was a sight, to see her suck hurriedly the glucose from that syringe. It calmed her down and she fell asleep and so did my mom and I for 2-3hrs.‌ But babies need to feed every almost 2hours, so she woke up crying for her feed again at 2am. I again tried putting her to breast, hoping that the supplements would be able to give her something. But I guess it was not working. In the morning when doctors examined, they added few more supplements. I was somebody who knew that feeding formula to the baby is not a healthy option and in a normal scenario I would never think of formula feeding. I had always intended to do exclusive breastfeeding upto 6months and breastfeed my baby till she turns 2. But when you know that it has been more than 2days and your baby had not have a single drop of milk, you would start thinking of the next best option. The doctors asked me to be patient. By then my parents and in-laws had already started speaking to their friends and relatives on how to resolve this problem. After few hours when another attending doctor came to check upon me, we saw what we all had been waiting for, 1 tiny drop of watery milk. It was such a big moment for us, it was as if my baby got a new life.

‌We were discharged from the hospital, the baby weight had come down from 3.5 to 3.1kgs in 3days. The weight loss is common after birth but it was slightly higher than any usual scenario. We came home, I was all geared up to feed her as much as possible so that she regains her weight. Next few days were not easy as she was crying a lot, she was feeding but continuously crying. We were unable to understand the problem. We went back to the doctor after 10days. To our surprise, she had further lost weight, and was weighing 2.8kgs, I went blank. I could not understand, what happened. We used to wonder that she looked smaller than what she looked in the hospital, but did not pay much heed. Doctor told us that apparently the breastmilk supply was insufficient so now we need to start her on formula feed immediately. Teary eyed, I somehow tried to listen to what the doctor said. I felt so guilty of not understanding the cues that she gave and letting her go through that trauma for so many days.

‌We came back with heavy hearts, I prepared her first formula feed and she drank it hurriedly and fell asleep. She slept peacefully after 12days.I could see that. 

‌But I was determined to do something about my breastmilk supply .

I tried reading all about how to increase breastmilk, ordered breast-pump, started watching videos on increasing breastmilk supply. My mom was doing her best to try all home remedies that she had known. I joined forums on breastfeeding and started going through what people had posted. I was trying my best but it was hectic. My body was still recovering from Csec. Feeding the baby continuosly with the hope of increasing the supply was tiring enough and on top of that all the effort and stress taken to increase the supply. I was getting irritated and depressed by the day. People generally suggest a new mom to sleep when the baby sleeps, but I would pump instead, so that my supply increases. It was getting difficult, I would cry, when I would pump and hardly get anything. I would cry when I try to feed the baby but she would reject it as there was hardly any milk. I wrote my situation on breastfeeding support forums seeking for some advice that might work. But what I received was bashing and mom shaming on putting the baby on formula. For them that made me a bad mother who resorted to the next option available and did not try hard enough. At times I felt so guilty of bringing her into this world as I was not able to give her the best that she deserved. After few days I had to travel to my native place, change of place did calm me down even though I was still worried about how to increase the supply. But I saw that people were not judgemental about what you were feeding to the baby. I guess the lack of awareness proved quite accomodating in that sense. This was a big difference between a metro city and a small town(my native place). Though I would still get occasional you should try this or do that to get more milk but I was still at some peace. I kept trying to pump, eat whatever my mom prepared to increase supply, regulalrly take the ayurvedic lactation supplements but I was not obsessed. With time, I had made peace with it.

I kept trying to reduce formula little bit and kept monitoring the weight alongside. But after a certain point when I saw that further reducing the formula is affecting her weight, I stopped doing that as well. Now she has completed 6months. She has started taking solids now. My supply is still not sufficient but I breastfeed her all the time. I still give her formula once or twice a day but I am perfectly fine with it. I have no qualms about it. I do get little jealous when I see women who are able to exclusively breastfeed and I always advice others to do it, if they can. It is the best thing for your child.

In the end, to all the mothers who are struggling with breasfeeding-

1. It is ok to offer formula to your baby, if there is a genuine problem. Breastmilk is the best but feeding the baby is more important.

2. Stay strong and try your best to increase the supply, do not get sucked into the obsession as it might lead to depression. Also you will be losing all the precious time that you will never get back to spend with your little ones.

3. Staying happy is the key. Hormones do play a very important role in milk production. You will notice your supply increases when you are laughing and relaxed while breastfeeding.

4. Taking lots of fluids is essential. Drink as much as water, tender coconut, fresh juices as possible. Whatever you are eating should not be very dry, try adding things like daal, sambhar, buttermilk etc, which have more water content. Make sure that you drink 1litre(if possible), before and after every feeding/pumping session. If its a long feeding session, keep sipping water during it. One more thing that I tried was to add electrol to you water before feeding/pumping session, it gives a boost to the supply.

5. Try pumping and putting your baby to breats as much as possible as it gives a signal to your body that the milk is not sufficient and it needs to produce more. But not at the cost of your health or baby's health and not at the cost of quality time that you should spend enjoying the arrival of your bundle of joy.

6. Take the help of galactogogue containing foods such as jeera(cumin seeds), saunf(fennel), methi(fenugreek seeds), unripe papaya, garlic, spinach, oats etc.

7. Ayurvedic lactation supplements like Satavarex powder, lactonic granules with milk also help. Take as advised by your doctor. I used to take two scoops twice a day.

8. There are some other lactation supplements like lactare, perinorm capsules. Consult your doctor before taking these.

9. Lastly, People take help of Lactation Consultants if there is latch issue or if you feel that baby is not able to feed due to some reason, so you can try that too.

PS: These recommendations are purely from my experience. Consult your doctor before taking any medicine or supplement.